Cowboy Character Fun

• Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
• Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
• If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
• I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
• The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
• There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence.
• What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
• Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
• An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
• If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
• Don't squat with your spurs on.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
• It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
• Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• You live in hell? HA! I ride him everyday.
• Grass is for bulls, what do you ride?
• "A gun is a tool, Marion, no better or no worse than any other tool, an axe, a shovel or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that." -- Shane
• Talk slowly, think quickly.
• Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.
• Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.

------------
A cowboy just returning from 2 years in St. Louis walks into town and sees an Old Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll use the ventriloquist skills he learned in the big city and have a little fun.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Old Friend: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright." Old Friend: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: " Is this man your owner?" pointing at Old Friend.
Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Old Friend: look of disbelief.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Old Friend: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool." Old Friend: extreme look of shock
Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Old Friend.
Horse: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn."
Old Friend: total look of amazement
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Old Friend: "Sheep Lie."
-------------